BURIED TREASURES: THE VILLAIN aka CACTUS JACK (1979)

One of the few redeeming qualities of the film; a glorious poster by Mad artist Jack Davis.

One would have a hard time refuting the fact that Kirk Douglas was not only a legendary actor, but an actual icon of cinema. Someone whose rugged features will forever be enshrined in the hallowed temple of the Seventh Art. The man who would bring his intimidating physical presence to Ulysses, Spartacus, Patton and Doc Holliday, but also an artist's vulnerability to Van Gogh and Rick Martin, also offered us the burlesque cartoon styling of the memorable Cactus Jack.


Wait. What?


When someone is as prolific as Douglas, with nearly 100 films under his belt, it's a given they won't 't all be classics. 1979's THE VILLAIN is certainly not one of them. Unless you consider it a classic flop.


The brainchild of former stuntman Hal Needham, his third film as director after SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT (1977) and HOOPER (1978) which both starred his buddy and frequent collaborator Burt Reynolds, THE VILLAIN (1979), also known as CACTUS JACK, attempts awkwardly to emulate the style of Warner Bros. Animated shorts, in particular Chuck Jones' celebrated Road Runner cartoons. In his 1988 autobiography THE RAGMAN'S SON, Kirk Douglas summed it up plainly: ''THE VILLAIN was a sort of cartoon. Like the Road Runner. My character was like the Coyote. I thought that if it was well done, it could be very funny''. You can almost read what wasn't written; ''but it wasn't''. While Needham tries hard to recreate some gags that are clearly inspired by cartoons, he lacks the manic energy and rhythm of a Tex Avery, or the pacing and witty characterization of a Chuck Jones.

The unlikeliest trio of stars for what would turn out to be Kirk Douglas' swan song in theatrical westerns.

The so-called story revolves around the pointless efforts by villain Cactus Jack (an over-the-top Douglas) to rob the unlikely couple formed by Handsome Stranger (yup, that's the character's actual name) played with oafish innocence by Arnold Schwarzenegger in his third major film role, and Charming Jones performed with a glamorous wink by Ann-Margret, on their way to collect a sizable inheritance.


This basic plot leads to a series of (failed, of course) attempts by Douglas to stop the couple by using methods most likely acquired by an Acme correspondence course taught by Wil E. Coyote. He even goes as far as painting the entrance to a tunnel on the side of a cliff, only to see his intended targets ride effortlessly into it, while he knocks himself on the rocky facade when he tries to follow. Another attempts involves rolling down a huge round boulder after his preys only to have to run away from it, predating a similar scene in Spielberg's RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK by a whole two years.

Spielberg and Lucas like to claim that the inspiration for the boulder sequence in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981) came from  the 1954 "Uncle Scrooge" comic book story "The Seven Cities Of Cibola", written and drawn by the legendary Carl Barks. But I'd like to posit this evidence of another inspiration.

 But if all that lumbering crack at humour wasn't klutzy enough, the film is peppered by a cast borrowed directly from the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts, with Ruth Buzzy playing a shrewish woman, Foster Brooks playing a drunk, and Paul Lynde playing, of all things, an American Indian, all of them pretty much doing their usual decidedly low-brow shtick that is funny mainly to people like me who enjoy terrible jokes. This would be a poor send-off for Lynde, as it was his last feature film before his untimely death in 1982 at the age of 55.

Kirk Douglas as Cactus Jack and Paul Lynde as Nervous Elk in a definitely politically incorrect scene from THE VILLAIN. Those were different times.

In fact, the only performer who comes out with his reputation intact from this mess is Cactus Jack's horse Whisky, played in fact by 8 different foals who literally steal the show from his seasoned co-star. Interestingly, in an attempt to make the film funnier, the French version of the film actually provides a voice to the equine thespian.

Although, it's not for lack of trying. Kirk Douglas visibly does a lot of his own stunts and gives himself to the film's goofy slapstick nature body and soul, which is part of the fun of watching the film. Witnessing such passionate abandon poured into such an obviously flawed yuck-fest by a revered actor who was by then 61 years old becomes not only fascinating, but his commitment is positively admirable. As for the Austrian Oak himself, in his 2012 autobiography TOTAL RECALL, here are his reminiscences of the experience; ''The name of my character was Handsome Stranger and the rest of the movie was just as lame… The best thing I can say about it is that I improved my horse-riding skills.'' Skills that would come in handy a few years later when filming CONAN THE BARBARIAN (John Milius, 1982).

The 61 year old star admirably did most of his own stunts.

In the end, THE VILLAIN is a curiosity that will please fans of crappy humor and intrigue devotees of its improbable trio of stars. As a matter of fact, the day I found out about this obscure film starring Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret AND Schwarzenegger, it felt a bit like Christmas.


After watching it, though, it felt a bit like the day after Christmas, when you're hungover and your favorite toy broke 5 minutes into playing with it.
 
The film can be viewed in its entirety here. click at your own risk...